Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
