So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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