He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
