I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
