do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
