Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
