3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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