you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
