I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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