wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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