He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
