Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
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