brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
