I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
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my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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