apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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