hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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