You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
