I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
