woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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