; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
