So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
