I wish my penis had an off switch
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
