I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
