I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Floor bacon is actually really good
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
