help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
