i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
