Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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