This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
