My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
