I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
