A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
