I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down