Need sex. Gaining weight.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You've changed since you got that strap on
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀