He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
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i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
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My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.