i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.