maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
