scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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