So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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