I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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