Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When did angry sex become our thing?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
