drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
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My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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