i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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