Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
two words...techno handjob
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
