What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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