All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
