i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
