I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
