dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The struggles of a small town man whore
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
