i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
