Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We are all done wearing pants today
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
