I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
