Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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