I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
