i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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