Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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