Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
