mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
