Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
