I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
