I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
