I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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