if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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