Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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