Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
