I am in a vortex of obligation.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
