So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
