my vag is so smooth its legendary
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
