so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
