so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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