Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
