I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
