is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
