Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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