before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
