It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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