I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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