is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
