If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
