So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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