Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
