Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
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I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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