You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think I won the penis lottery.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
