There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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