I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
