I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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