it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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