rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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