Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
