Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
