When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
