At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
