Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
